What Would Jesus (Montero) Do?

This is a tumblr blog about the Seattle Mariners' baseball Messiah, the Son of (baseball) God, Jesus Montero.
Jesus has led the Mariners to a sweep of the formidable Tigers in front of their hometown audience. as if God hasn’t already been cruel enough to the people of Detroit. Next up the Mariners’ birth mate, the Toronto Blue Jays.  Both franchises began playing professional baseball games in 1977.  The Blue Jays, who haven’t exactly been a model for excellence in recent history, hang way more banners from their ceiling than the Mariners do.  Hopefully the Mariners can slap them around a bit.

Jesus has led the Mariners to a sweep of the formidable Tigers in front of their hometown audience. as if God hasn’t already been cruel enough to the people of Detroit.

Next up the Mariners’ birth mate, the Toronto Blue Jays.  Both franchises began playing professional baseball games in 1977.  The Blue Jays, who haven’t exactly been a model for excellence in recent history, hang way more banners from their ceiling than the Mariners do.  Hopefully the Mariners can slap them around a bit.

Over the many years, the country of Venezuela has seen its share of Italian influence.  In fact, some historians (most of whom are Italian) contend that the Italian explorer, Amerigo Vespucci, landed there and named the land “Veneziola”, or little Venice.  I don’t know if that’s true. But it is definitely true that later in history many Italians migrated to Venezuela. Jesus Montero surely had friends who were of Italian descent. He’s probably enjoyed his share of Chianti and Spaghetti over the years. So, it’s not a huge surprise that Jesus Montero’s blessings would one day fall on the shoulders of the Italian-born Mariners’ prospect, Alex Liddi. That happened on April 24th.  By the grace of Jesus, Alex Liddi had a career-best three hits in the M’s 7-4 win over the mighty Tigers of Detroit. One of those hits was a 7th inning homerun, Liddi’s first such hit of the season. Thank you Jesus! 

Over the many years, the country of Venezuela has seen its share of Italian influence.  In fact, some historians (most of whom are Italian) contend that the Italian explorer, Amerigo Vespucci, landed there and named the land “Veneziola”, or little Venice.  I don’t know if that’s true. But it is definitely true that later in history many Italians migrated to Venezuela. Jesus Montero surely had friends who were of Italian descent. He’s probably enjoyed his share of Chianti and Spaghetti over the years. So, it’s not a huge surprise that Jesus Montero’s blessings would one day fall on the shoulders of the Italian-born Mariners’ prospect, Alex Liddi.

That happened on April 24th.  By the grace of Jesus, Alex Liddi had a career-best three hits in the M’s 7-4 win over the mighty Tigers of Detroit. One of those hits was a 7th inning homerun, Liddi’s first such hit of the season. Thank you Jesus! 

In just his 31st big league game, Jesus Montero hit career homerun number 6.  It was the second HR of the season for Jesus, who earlier in the day continued his show of unconditional forgiveness by working to cure the maligned president of Montero’s native Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, of cancer.   At this rate, it will take Jesus approximately 3924 games to break Barry Bonds’ homerun record of 762, which everyone in the universe expects him to do.  Either we’ll get to enjoy watching Jesus play for 24 more seasons or he’ll pick up the pace a bit. Barry Bonds, it’s worth noting, used steroids.  On the other hand, Jesus Montero has not.  Alex Rodriguez, another steroid user, just passed Ken Griffey Jr. for the fifth leading homerun total in baseball history.  All indications lead observers to believe that Ken Griffey Jr. did not use steroids.  It is unfortunate that in many minds Alex Rodriguez’s career accomplishments will be held in higher regard than Ken Griffey Jr’s.   In other news, the Yankees announced another setback in Michael Pineda’s return to the big leagues.  I like Michael Pineda and hope that he’s able to once again become a dominant pitcher in the Major Leagues.  It would suck if he spent the rest of his life being a dominant pitcher in other leagues.  Other leagues are where guys like Jose Canseco end up.  Jesus was not available to discuss his reaction to the latest Pineda news, but it is likely that Jesus will feel sympathy for the big right hander. 

In just his 31st big league game, Jesus Montero hit career homerun number 6.  It was the second HR of the season for Jesus, who earlier in the day continued his show of unconditional forgiveness by working to cure the maligned president of Montero’s native Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, of cancer.  

At this rate, it will take Jesus approximately 3924 games to break Barry Bonds’ homerun record of 762, which everyone in the universe expects him to do.  Either we’ll get to enjoy watching Jesus play for 24 more seasons or he’ll pick up the pace a bit.

Barry Bonds, it’s worth noting, used steroids.  On the other hand, Jesus Montero has not.  Alex Rodriguez, another steroid user, just passed Ken Griffey Jr. for the fifth leading homerun total in baseball history.  All indications lead observers to believe that Ken Griffey Jr. did not use steroids.  It is unfortunate that in many minds Alex Rodriguez’s career accomplishments will be held in higher regard than Ken Griffey Jr’s.  

In other news, the Yankees announced another setback in Michael Pineda’s return to the big leagues.  I like Michael Pineda and hope that he’s able to once again become a dominant pitcher in the Major Leagues.  It would suck if he spent the rest of his life being a dominant pitcher in other leagues.  Other leagues are where guys like Jose Canseco end up.  Jesus was not available to discuss his reaction to the latest Pineda news, but it is likely that Jesus will feel sympathy for the big right hander. 

Jesus Archives: 5.10.2010, Benched!

On May 10th, 2010, Jesus was benched in a Minor League game for not running out a groundball.  The act of benching star players is not unprecedented. It’s often used as a sign that no single player is above the concept of playing hardnosed baseball -and to quote the great cliche user, but not so great baseball manager- Eric Wedge “Getting after it”.

This particular circumstance was much different than a typical Milton Bradley meltdown.  Earlier in the game, nearby eye-witnesses reported that Jesus had single handedly willed the end of the European Debt Crisis by channeling 100% of his Christlike energies to call for the International Monetary fund and EU to offer a $1 Trillion dollar relief plan, sending stocks soaring globally.

Scranton Yankees Manager Dave Miley did not take into consideration the toll that willing such a miracle takes on one’s body. The following day Miley proved that a player cannot be above the team concept, but if he were to be, punishment would not go so far as to hurt his ability to field a decent lineup, by penciling Jesus into his everyday cleanup spot.  

Story courtesy of River Ave. Blues, a Yankees Blog

On Saturday, April 14, 2012, Jesus Montero, the son of (baseball) God, arrived and blessed the Seattle Mariners’ and their faithful with an incredible game, a game which he described with Christlike humility as “awesome, but one that most witnesses described as nothing short of miraculous.  It became clear then that this blog must be born.

On Saturday, April 14, 2012, Jesus Montero, the son of (baseball) God, arrived and blessed the Seattle Mariners’ and their faithful with an incredible game, a game which he described with Christlike humility as “awesome, but one that most witnesses described as nothing short of miraculous.  It became clear then that this blog must be born.

Millwood:  Dude , WTF.  I thought you called a curveball for Santana. Jesus: LOL bro.  I didn’t call a pitch. I just let you throw whatever you want. Millwood: Why the hell did you hold down the deuce? Jesus: ROTFL bro! I was calling for world peace! Jesus’ line from Tuesday night’s crushing loss to the Indians, over whom the Mariners jumped to an early 8-1 lead was rather unremarkable, unless you consider how hard Cleveland pitchers worked against him relative to the other Mariners, for whom they really seemed to phone it in. AB R H BB BI K LOB 4   0 1  0 1  0  2 On the year.282.  Behind the plate Montero looked a little sluggish in the first getting the tag down on Michael Brantley, who was scoring from 2nd on a Hafner single.  Otherwise, his reflexes seemed Christlike, or at least Patrick Roy-like, routinely blocking wormburners from Kevin Millwood.

Millwood:  Dude , WTF.  I thought you called a curveball for Santana.

Jesus: LOL bro.  I didn’t call a pitch. I just let you throw whatever you want.

Millwood: Why the hell did you hold down the deuce?

Jesus: ROTFL bro! I was calling for world peace!

Jesus’ line from Tuesday night’s crushing loss to the Indians, over whom the Mariners jumped to an early 8-1 lead was rather unremarkable, unless you consider how hard Cleveland pitchers worked against him relative to the other Mariners, for whom they really seemed to phone it in.

AB R H BB BI K LOB

4   0 1  0 1  0  2

On the year.282.  Behind the plate Montero looked a little sluggish in the first getting the tag down on Michael Brantley, who was scoring from 2nd on a Hafner single.  Otherwise, his reflexes seemed Christlike, or at least Patrick Roy-like, routinely blocking wormburners from Kevin Millwood.

Having never seen pitches as nasty as what Brandon League threw in Saturday night’s wins vs. the A’s, Jesus was uncharacteristically on the receiving end of several miracles. At this point, the Mariners don’t seem willing to break Jesus Montero in as a catcher. At time of publication, lineups weren’t posted. But since John Jaso is yet to start a game behind homeplate and Eric Wedge has a man-crush on Miguel Olivo, one could place a fairly safe bet that Montero will not receive pitches from Kevin Millwood.   And who better on the staff for a young, inexperienced but preternaturally talented catcher to gather in-game experience with than an old, over-experienced wily veteran like Millwood?  Millwood will call his own pitches.  He’ll call pitch outs.  He’ll call pick-offs. He’ll throw inside when guys are crowding the plate.  He’ll tell Montero when he’s going to bounce one up to the plate.  Outside of donning the armor and physically catching the ball, with the occasional throw-out of a would-be-thief,  Millwood will perform all of the dutires that a catcher would otherwise be expected to perform.  Montero’s first start behind the plate came in Millwood’s mastery of the Rangers, so maybe Wedge and I are on the same page.  We’ll see.   In Jesus Montero’s 2 games started behind the plate this year, he’s gone 3-6 with a double, HR, Sac Fly, and 4 RBI. Conversely, Miguel Olivo, who has appeared in 10 games this year, has just 4 hits in 36 AB’s.  Olivo has just 3 RBI in the early days of this young campaign. It’s a tiny sampling and probably means very little, but definitely worth watching. Geoff Baker weighs in on Montero’s time behind the dish today: 

Having never seen pitches as nasty as what Brandon League threw in Saturday night’s wins vs. the A’s, Jesus was uncharacteristically on the receiving end of several miracles. At this point, the Mariners don’t seem willing to break Jesus Montero in as a catcher. At time of publication, lineups weren’t posted. But since John Jaso is yet to start a game behind homeplate and Eric Wedge has a man-crush on Miguel Olivo, one could place a fairly safe bet that Montero will not receive pitches from Kevin Millwood.  

And who better on the staff for a young, inexperienced but preternaturally talented catcher to gather in-game experience with than an old, over-experienced wily veteran like Millwood?  Millwood will call his own pitches.  He’ll call pitch outs.  He’ll call pick-offs. He’ll throw inside when guys are crowding the plate.  He’ll tell Montero when he’s going to bounce one up to the plate.  Outside of donning the armor and physically catching the ball, with the occasional throw-out of a would-be-thief,  Millwood will perform all of the dutires that a catcher would otherwise be expected to perform. 

Montero’s first start behind the plate came in Millwood’s mastery of the Rangers, so maybe Wedge and I are on the same page.  We’ll see.  

In Jesus Montero’s 2 games started behind the plate this year, he’s gone 3-6 with a double, HR, Sac Fly, and 4 RBI.

Conversely, Miguel Olivo, who has appeared in 10 games this year, has just 4 hits in 36 AB’s.  Olivo has just 3 RBI in the early days of this young campaign.

It’s a tiny sampling and probably means very little, but definitely worth watching.

Geoff Baker weighs in on Montero’s time behind the dish today: 

Jews for Jesus Montero

Jews for Jesus Montero